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Funny Military Service Stories

funny military service stories

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Captain_Underpants53 #1 Posted 07 June 2021 - 06:26 AM

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I have told this true story several times for clan but here it is for all.  For obvious reasons, it sticks in my brain.

 

Back in the late 60's I was an Electronic Warfare Repairman, making about 200$ a month.  I think it happened at Columbus AFB, Mississippi but it might have been Guam. 

 

Anyway I was on-call one weekend and a B-52 being prepped for nuke alert had a communication jammer problem.  I got called out, went to the shop, got the appropriate tools and equipment to repair it.  I jumped in the shop truck with my stuff and went out to the alert area. 

 

On the way, I drove by where the Base RC Club flew on weekends and resolved to stop and observe on my way back.  As you might imagine, I was in no position to afford a hobby I would have loved.

 

So I replaced the jammer and checked it out thoroughly on all its frequencies.  We were officially required to use a dummy load for this instead of doing free radiation testing but because that would turn a one-man one-hour job into a two-man eight-hour job nobody official 'noticed' it.  A quick return to readiness was the driver for all we did.  Probably still is.

 

So I stopped on the way back and watched admiringly for a bit as those RC planes flew, twisted, dove, climbed, etc.  Then I happened to notice a pile of two broken to bits planes off to the side.  I asked another bystander what that was all about and he told me they just went berserk, out of control about half an hour ago. 

 

Quickly putting 2 and 2 together (I were young then) I realized I had jammed them into the ground.  I slunk off quietly hoping nobody had noticed the ECM (Electronic Countermeasures) logo on the side of the truck.  A little investigation would have revealed my part in this tragedy and I could in no way afford to pay damages.

 

So what is your funny military service story?


Edited by Captain_Underpants53, 07 June 2021 - 06:28 AM.

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losttwo #2 Posted 07 June 2021 - 09:20 AM

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Where would I begin. 

Being in the U.S. Cavalry and all. 

Funny craphappened all the time on a daily bases. 

Sunday Comics and Hogan's Hero's were pretty accurate description of 

the lack of professionalism and, well ...lets just say it was fun. 

 

OK. Here is one of my finest hours. 

Exercise Lion Tamer 3/2 ACR vs ADAM Infantry  ( another dumb----- Mechanized unit )

Sgt. Ashford told me to pull our Bradley into a good hide position. 

I found this beautiful hide in the middle of 2 over grown thick bushes with a perfect field of fire  

about 4 bowling alley lanes wide into the valley.  

A couple of hours later about 10 Jeeps ( yes we still used Jeeps back then ) 

were spotted in the valley below our position. 

Radio to HQ that we made contact and location. 

Response from HQ : Ignore because those were the " FOG" generators to 

create the atmosphere of battle.

about 30 minutes into them generating fog the " enemy " platoon of IFV's 

began passing our hide spot. FROM BEHIND and not in the valley. Like ducks in a row. 

They were on the attack towards sister M1 platoon 

Sgt Ashford was a smart cookie and we made no moves or radio calls until they passed. 

Then " driver back up and give chase ". 

As I drove in behind each " enemy " IFV our CFV open fired taking out each one before they knew what hit them. 

It was beautiful. With all the MILES equipment going off in the back ground of radio chatter. 

Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, 

Then all of a sudden our MILES equipment began flashing near miss after near miss. 

As our SISTER M1's began shooting at us from lack of identification. 

Then the call of " DEAD " as one of our sister tanks finally registered a direct hit. 

Yup, that is correct. DEAD from friendly fire. 

The enemy got close enough to begin engaging and put us directly behind the M1's. 

Because Sgt Ashford did not have the turret pointed away from the M1's ( as standard procedure ) 

We were automatically considered enemy. 

It was at that point that the exercise was ended by the Colonel because the Mech. Infantry Unit did not follow the 

the exercise guidelines. They were suppose to come through the valley. 



Viper_7242NC #3 Posted 07 June 2021 - 11:00 AM

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I was on a frigate in the early 80's. I was sent to training for two weeks while the ship went out to sea for an exercise. We had just gotten a fresh batch of sailors that had never been to sea. Weather was rough and frigates rock and roll. I  met the ship at the dock and saw sailors scrubbing the side. Crewmates that l  had been with for three years were smiling and telling me how I missed it. All those new guys hanging over the side, it was glorious. 
 
So say we all.

RoIand #4 Posted 07 June 2021 - 11:14 AM

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I was in the Navy and served on an old destroyer about to be decommissioned in the 80s.
Off the Norwegian coast we had a NATO fleet maneuver in which we participated with our old barge.
On a Friday, the last day of the maneuver before the long-awaited shore leave in Norway, a torpedo firing exercise was scheduled.
At that time our torpedoes were still wire-guided and not yet radio-guided. Our destroyer had a total of 6 torpedo launchers on board. These were not below the waterline, but onboard. A ship towed a steel tank behind it on a 2 km wire cable, which served us as a torpedo target drone. After the target was located and aimed, the High Command gave the order to launch the torpedo. A helicopter then tracked the torpedo trajectory from the firing ship to the presumed impact of the exercise torpedo on the drone and then radioed the impact result to the high command. Provided there was no hit, the torpedo track was followed until the control wire broke off and the Toredo surfaced and could be recovered. Exercise torpedoes also cost thousands of dollars and must be reused after an exercise. That should suffice for now as a description of the scenario, and now we come to the event that was ultimately not so funny for us.  
The coordinates of the target are constantly updated by the destroyer's operations center and forwarded to the Torpedo gunner for input. Our torpedo gunner had been drinking the night before and was still very groggy. In order not to miss the firing order, he had already armed the torpedo and only had to enter the last coordinates for fine adjustment. After firing, he then had to steer the Torpedo over his Torpedo stand into the target. As mentioned at the beginning, the Torpedos did not yet have their own target recognition system, but had to be guided remotely. And then it happens - what is the funny thing I will state that later.
The torpedo was launched without a fire order. The helicopter was not even in position and could not track the trajectory. The Torpedo was unguided and, of course, didn't hit the drone target or, thank God, anything else. Since the trajectory could not be tracked, it was also completely unknown where the torpedo had surfaced after rupturing the guide wire. Our whole fleet unit cruised unsuccessfully for two hours to find this crappy torpedo. Our ship, as the cause, had to continue searching until nightfall without the fleet. Then on Saturday some search plane spotted the torpedo and we were finally able to recover it. There was no accident but our commander was visibly pissed and the complete shore leave was cancelled for us. So that was the less funny part of this story. And now comes the funny part: how could the torpedo have been launched unintentionally?
Our torpedo shooter was still drunk from the night before. That's why he had to throw up. That's why he left his Torpedo control station to rush to the toilet. He had not secured the file shelf above the fire button with a net according to regulations. The swell caused a file folder to fall off the shelf and right onto the fire button of the armed torpedo. This caused the torpedo to set off on its own.

Incidentally, after all this was uncovered, the culprit never saw the inside of a Torpedo-control-center again, and the crew on a ship is like a family and clearly made the culprit feel our displeasure.  

 


Edited by the_better_tetrisgamer, 07 June 2021 - 02:55 PM.

Most of the players are just mediocre. It's good to be part of the majority and by now I don't want anything else.

But I also want a goose very badly !


gerr22 #5 Posted 07 June 2021 - 12:58 PM

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air force South Africa chopper Sqd Alouette 3 s in the day we tied a smokie to the clutch pedal and waited all of a sudden the sar major jumps in the thing we try to stop him but he shouts out of the way base general paraded him he hits reverse and  drops the clutch of course we high tail it too late thing goes off s mgr don t give two hoots he guns it too central trailing red smoke i think i will stop there

gerr22 #6 Posted 07 June 2021 - 12:59 PM

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clutch pedal of a jeep by the way

 



trikke #7 Posted 07 June 2021 - 02:26 PM

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View Postgerr22, on 07 June 2021 - 08:59 AM, said:

clutch pedal of a jeep by the way

 

i figured it out       though it would be an even funnier story if if was the chopper

 

but someone would have gotten thrown in the slammer over that       and forced to attend the funeral of that sgt major       

 

still, all in all,,,   worth it!


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Corsair4790805 #8 Posted 07 June 2021 - 10:30 PM

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View PostViper_7242NC, on 07 June 2021 - 03:00 AM, said:

I was on a frigate in the early 80's. I was sent to training for two weeks while the ship went out to sea for an exercise. We had just gotten a fresh batch of sailors that had never been to sea. Weather was rough and frigates rock and roll. I  met the ship at the dock and saw sailors scrubbing the side. Crewmates that l  had been with for three years were smiling and telling me how I missed it. All those new guys hanging over the side, it was glorious. 

 

Just out of curiosity, USN?  1052 or FFG-7?  I spent most of my sea tour on a FFG-7 in the early-to-mid 90s.



Viper_7242NC #9 Posted 07 June 2021 - 10:55 PM

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View PostCorsair4790805, on 07 June 2021 - 05:30 PM, said:

 

Just out of curiosity, USN?  1052 or FFG-7?  I spent most of my sea tour on a FFG-7 in the early-to-mid 90s.

 

FF-1053 USS Roark

 


 
So say we all.

Zombie_Snuggles #10 Posted 08 June 2021 - 02:45 AM

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FF-1087 USS Kirk was my first, and they do rock and roll although lucky for me I don't have motion sickness. We had to re-fuel in a Typhoon once out of necessity, I was a OS so I had to go up to the Signal Bridge and relieve the BM from forward lookout duty so he could get on the refueling detail. It was insane and I'll never forget it.

 

 

Nice story Captain!

 

Edit. I have tons of stories like someone said above where to start! I'll think about it...


Edited by Zombie_Snuggles, 08 June 2021 - 02:49 AM.


losttwo #11 Posted 08 June 2021 - 10:17 AM

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Another funny story from the U.S. Cavalry Lima Troop 3/ ACR

In the infinite wisdom and glory of our prestigious 2nd Lieutenant.

He thought it would be a good idea to run a dismounted night operation. 

The task was to find HQ 1st platoon vehicle and place an "X" on the command vehicle.

So 2300 hours came and off we went, strolling through the dark of night with no moon. 

Lieutenant had map, compass and a band of merry men consisting of the 6 dead weight loading goffers

and of course the 6 Bradley drivers. Leaving the Commanders and Gunners behind to guard the Bradley's.

 

Our merry band of 13 men went a whistling off into the woods all covered in camo like a hooker on the street corner.

About a kilometer into the woods our fearless leader decided to read the map and get his bearings.  

NO FLASHLIGHT, no moon. Now he is scrambling and asking if any one has a flashlight or lighters. 

Most everyone brings out lighters and begins trying to strike them and keep a light light on the subject versus the wind. 

Me being the 455hole I was back then had the only flashlight but kept my mouth shut to watch the comedy routine play out. 

The ensuing struggle to keep a light on the subjects of compass map and locating terrain features was frustrating the lieutenant.

 

Sensing the frustration and his lack of leadership abilities from being fresh out of the Academy and an EGO the size of New York. 

I spoke up and handed him my flashlight and told him to navigate by the towers that were lighting up against the night sky. 

Did I mention it was dark and no moon. 

Did I mention anything about NODS ( night observation device ) 

Did I mention he had all the drivers with him. 

After about 20 minutes of not being able to figure out our current location and where we needed to go, he called for the radio. 

 

On the radio he asked my TC to come and extract us from our current location. 

My TC " but you have my driver " 

LT "have your gunner drive" 

TC " There is a reason we do not do dismounted patrols, I will turn the track on and you find your way back " 

Sgt Ashford ( my TC ) was my mentor for 455hole 101. 

 

SO as everyone headed back towards the sound of the engines. And I noticed that the LT had handed me the map. 

Flashlight, map and chalk in hand. Off I went into the dead of night to the location marked on the map. 

Did I mention we already knew where the HQ track was, being marked on the map and everything. 

Another K in a straight line and we would have met our objective. 

 

Long story short, I marked all six vehicle with an X then I got caught and returned. 

LT is the reason GPS was invented. 

 

 

 



ItsSubmersible #12 Posted 08 June 2021 - 05:03 PM

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View Postlosttwo, on 08 June 2021 - 05:17 AM, said:

 

LT is the reason GPS was invented. 

 

 

 

I think I have run in to those guys. Out hunting and the Appalachian trail is close by. Keep running across people that have NO idea where they are or where the are going. Give them directions, etc. Suggest they may want to invest in a map/compass/gps receiver cause there ain't no cell service out here!



losttwo #13 Posted 08 June 2021 - 06:45 PM

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:teethhappy:

trikke #14 Posted 08 June 2021 - 09:18 PM

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View PostItsSubmersible, on 08 June 2021 - 01:03 PM, said:

I think I have run in to those guys. Out hunting and the Appalachian trail is close by. Keep running across people that have NO idea where they are or where the are going. Give them directions, etc. Suggest they may want to invest in a map/compass/gps receiver cause there ain't no cell service out here!

 

Google maps works great in no cell locations IF you download maps using the Off-Line Maps feature that Google will let you use for free.      I used on the Amtrak Big Chief far from any towers in the 'wilderness' between Chicago and Flagstaff


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CorvusCorvax #15 Posted 09 June 2021 - 12:39 AM

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View Postlosttwo, on 08 June 2021 - 10:17 AM, said:

 

LT is the reason GPS was invented. 

 

 

 

There has got to be a secret class in OCS:  "How to not be able to find your fifth point of contact even though you have both hands and a flashlight."



Corsair4790805 #16 Posted 09 June 2021 - 01:53 AM

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View PostZombie_Snuggles, on 07 June 2021 - 06:45 PM, said:

FF-1087 USS Kirk was my first, and they do rock and roll although lucky for me I don't have motion sickness. We had to re-fuel in a Typhoon once out of necessity, I was a OS so I had to go up to the Signal Bridge and relieve the BM from forward lookout duty so he could get on the refueling detail. It was insane and I'll never forget it.

 

 

Nice story Captain!

 

Edit. I have tons of stories like someone said above where to start! I'll think about it...

 

The FFG-7 class were pretty stable, but one time our port fin stabilizer was out and CASREP'd.   We were on our way to San Francisco for Fleet Week (coming up from San Diego).   We took a good wave on the port side about 0330 that rolled us to starboard, but because the port fin stabilizer was out, we rolled really far (past 45 degrees) on the recovery, and tripped both diesel generators off line.

 

The diesel generators supplied power for running the equipment (we didn't lose our main engine power).   For those who have never been on a ship, it gets *very*quiet when you lose your electrical power.  The BMoW came over the 1MC and said, very quietly, "Engineering casualty.".   The roll had woken me up, and my first thought in the sound of silence was "You think?" :)



Martymart1976 #17 Posted 09 June 2021 - 10:24 AM

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On duty in port San Diego onboard USS PRINCETON.  It was a duty section only Friday morning, and the skipper had his sons 3rd grade class onboard for a tour. I was an IT2 at the time, my 1st Class and I were the only people working in Radio that day.  All of a sudden, we hear " were under attack, were sinking, SOS.  Bombs away, full nuclear release, torpedo in the water, were dying".  We looked at each other and went, wthis going on? I called in on the radio and reported all conditions normal, when my 1st Class went "Oh no, the pilothouse".  We both ran to the bridge and the skipper was showing the bridge to the 3rd grade class. While he had his back turned, to 3rd graders were spun around in the COs chair calling in air strikes, and fighting World War 3.  The CO noticed this about the same time we came running and yanked the two kids out of his chair. As he ushered out the class, he growled"you two stand fast"!  When he was gone, my 1st Class said, "don't say anything, I got this". We stood the at attention contemplating our fates for about ten minutes while we awaited the skippers return. He came back and proceeded to tear us a new one, and ask why in Hades did we have that circuit patched up in the bridge in the first place. Without missing a beat, my 1st Class blurted out without missing a beat, "Sir, we have this circuit punched into the pilothouse so the Quartermasters know when to blow First Call to Colors, Sir". At this, the CO stopped' regained his composure, and said, "Oh,  that makes sense, carry on". The fleet never figured out who was calling on the radio, and I developed a new respect for my 1st Class who threw his Crows cover on me.

 



Captain_Underpants53 #18 Posted 09 June 2021 - 11:42 AM

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:medal:   Good one Marty!  Glad to see you survived your sea voyage.
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losttwo #19 Posted 09 June 2021 - 02:07 PM

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My dad served on the Antrim when it was stationed in Mayport during the 80's

Been all through the Antrim as a Navy Brat 



losttwo #20 Posted 13 June 2021 - 05:04 PM

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Have I ever told any one the story about the time I asked the Lieutenant

to requisition a red smoke converter for my Bradley.  

Since mine was broken and it deadlines a vehicle. 







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