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Heh's biology report on WoWP's fascinating creatures vol 1: sky whales

sky whales featuring Heh

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Heh #1 Posted 24 October 2012 - 05:07 PM

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Good day my fellow forum dwellers. I am Heh, your friendly forum spammer and whale biologist. In this episode of "Heh's biology report on WoWP's fascinating creatures", we're gonna show you the slowest, biggest, and most graceful creatures of the aerial kingdom: sky whales.


Sky whale taxonomy:

 

Spoiler


Sky whales (Caleum Ceti), are big, slow lumbering creatures gracefully roaming at low altitudes in the WoWP maps. Like their marine counterparts, they tend to eat krill, but they only eat dead, highly oxygenated krill processed by ground targets. The sky whale will tend to use its teeth to chew the krill in either big chunks or rapid bites, depending on the sky whale's age. In order to move, sky whales use a powerful nose muscle that propels them forward at a graceful speed, except for the royal whales that we'll explain later. Due to metal birds flying all around, the sky whale needs to defend itself. Since it's too colossal in size and weight to evade them properly, they usually grow up with a dorsal defense system.


Sky whales tend to poop on big targets as well. A sky whale's poop is extremely explosive and radioactive, and some sky whales tend to poop to save their hides, much like a skunk. They also carry 8 explosive thorns at their child stages, which are usually not used, but some like using it to eat metal birds, as their taste is twice better than krill.
The glorious floating whales have 4 main evolution stages, from stubby clumsy newborns to healthy calves to fully grown adults. Those of royal blood are special, but we'll explain them later. Here's all 10 sky whale evolution stages at your fingertips:


Newborns:


Newborns are named TShes, which mean Ticklish Shy fellas. They tend to be only tickled by the planes they face and have to bite at a faster rate than piranhas! There are two varieties, which are very much the same:


TSh-1: Those are the first sky whales, and tend to be only a few days old with two fins. They have no teeth at first, but then they get their piranha bites as they grow up. Because it is a TSh, it tends to be quite a clumsy little thing, always struggling to turn. It loses poop storage organs for stronger teeth at one point, as well as for a stronger nose muscle. There have been rumors about it having thorns at that age, but it is considered a myth.


TSh-3: At this stage, they gain a single fin instead of two, and get 10 teeth that double in power afterwards. They also get a stronger dorsal defense system and regain their poop organs. That is the final stage of newborns for all sky whales.


Calves:


Calf life is very long in a sky whale's life. In fact, most sky whales are actually teenagers! They tend to develop incredible damage systems, better defense systems, and even fully destructive thorns. They tend to have closed backs at that point.


LBSh: After a painful moulting, the TSh loses its teeth and regains sharper ones, though not as potentially destructive as the tiny teeth in the TSh stages. It also gains more powerful poop. The most important development here is the access to some sort of turning ability though. This is the first Odontoceti, which are characterized by their HUGE teeth. The ones with shredding teeth are Mysticeti. All sky whale stages start with a Mysticeti stage except the TSh, IL-10 and royalty stages.


IL-2: Now the sky whale sheds its dorsal defense system off for much sharper teeth that take giant chunks out of ground targets. The sky whale also gains incredible agility compared to its younglings, and has incredibly thick skin impervious to tiny metal bird teeth. It relies on friendly metal birds to help it stay afloat, as its daddy and mommy are far away. It also gains its adult thorns at that point.


IL-2 t: After a painful post-moulting moment of paranoia, the sky whale is rewarded with a very dangerous dorsal defense system. Even though it keeps the same teeth, it loses them right after getting the DDS, which is frankly the same as the old one in its TSh-3 stage, and also losing its first teeth. However, it also gains VERY dangerous poop too. And thicker skin. It's a very formidable foe to any metal bird, but loses part of its newly found agility.


IL-8: Now the sky whale is in its preteen stages, and develops a VERY dangerous DDS. And has bigger teeth. It's an evil evil foe for anyone that stands in its way, unless it's a swallow. Swallows are the main enemy of every single sky whale, only being scared off by the great Moby Dick (tamed and trained by yours truly) and outran by royal whales. The IL-8 stage is just one of two teen moulting processes, and sacrifices all mobility for much larger teeth and stronger blubber, making it part of the Odontoceti suborder.


IL-10: This is another moulting process a sky whale can go through if it hates the immobility of the IL-8 stage. The sky whale then becomes faster and the most agile sky whale of all stages. It's still a Mysticeti and is usually neglected due to how slow it grows and how it isn't as armored, but it's still a fearsome evolution with the NR teeth, capable of dealing the same degree of damage the TShes dealt to the enemies around them. However, unlike the IL-8 stage, it has access to the NR, which helps it grow to a fully well-bred adult sky whale faster.


Adult whales:


All of them are notable by their big heads. Hell, all of them are actually so alike that we call them IL-20s.


IL-20: In this stage, there's a GIANT leap in sky whale puberty. It's even the end of sky whale puberty, as out comes a fully grown sky whale. It gains an extremely powerful DDS called the NR. At this stage, some sky whale riders name them. Adult sky whale poop is massive and can wipe an HQ out with just one poo. An adult sky whale's teeth change from the shredder teeth in its adolecent stages to the biggest teeth in whale growth ever. The most popular sky whale of them all is the legendary Moby Dick, with his trusty tailgun named Ivan.


That marks the end of common sky whale growth. However, some whales are royal whales named IL-40s.


IL-40: This whale returns to grinder teeth, relegating it to a Mysticeti, but this time, they are all on the nose of the whale. Its thorns are seemingly similar to the old ones, but they have a larger blast radius. The main thing that characterizes a royal whale though is the change from a nose propelling muscle to a powerful gas sac, located near the tail. The gas sac allows the king whale to move a lot faster than a commoner whale and also glide at high altitudes. Also known as the King Whale. However, Moby basically hates royalty. He prefers a democratic system.


IL-40P: This is the final stage of sky whale royalty, also known as the Emperor whale, which Moby hates even more because once again, he prefers democracy. It is also known as the pig whale, mainly because of its nose. Even though it's laughed at by the other sky whales because of the nose, the Emperor is still the scariest sky whale ever. There are less teeth, but they're all more powerful to the point of dealing more damage and having more precision than the King whale. The speed is absolutely ridiculous, capable of outrunning most sky dolphins. But what characterizes it is the EXTREMELY thick blubber. Nothing has thicker blubber than the Emperor. With all these aspects combined, the Emperor whale is truly the most dangerous sky whale on the field, and should be treated with absolute caution and should be taken out immediately before it annihilates every ground target.


Mutant whales:


When I went back in here, I discovered new kinds of sky whales not in the normal sky whale tree. I'll call them mutant whales.


Pegas: A baby whale, similar to the TShes. Anyway, it has a single tooth that's remarkably powerful when playing with baby sky dolphins, and quite decently thick blubber. It lacks a DDS, but it can carry poop sacks at such a young age. It is also the most agile sky whale in existence, though a lot less agile than baby sky dolphins, which are extremely agile.


BSh: This one was part of the LBSh stages, but it developed the traits at such a young age. The strange thing about this creature is that it's STRICTLY a Mysticeti unlike the LBSh, which is an Odontoceti. While the DDS is also poor, it has the remarkable ability to drop a lot of poop. We people at the Bureau of Aeromarine Biology thought that the record holder for most poop was the skorca in the Fw 57 stage, but the BSh poops more, even though its poop is smaller. Not one creature poops more than the BSh.


Sh-Tandem: Also known as the ShT whale or the Tandem whale. This is by far the most intriguing discovery I've seen. It's strikingly similar to the BSh, but it has one thing that sets it aside: it has a tail on the bottom. This was an atrocious design that shocked the BAB. Now, it has a more powerful nose muscle, but it carries the same amount of poop as the LBSh. But this is not the weird part folks. The weird part is that it can perfectly imitate a SKORCA. The Tandem whale has the climbing ability of an I-16 sky walrus, thus causing massive shock to those that try energy fighting. The mobility is also tied with the Pegas, but the Tandem is a tier 5. Thankfully it lacks proper teeth, as it would scare every sky whale if it had LBSh teeth. Overall, the Tandem is the weirdest sky whale to glide in the skies of the WoWP universe. An absolute beauty.


Now, let's talk about whale blubber:


-Sky whales are hunted by Swallows for their thick blubber, which is basically a very powerful growth accelerator. Some sky whales have been known to eat their own kind, mainly the legendary Moby.


-Apparently sky whale blubber tastes like crackers, while royal sky whale blubber tastes like honey-coated waffles.
Now, this is the story of how I met Moby Dick, and the story behind him:


One peaceful day, an alpha player was talking to me about finding a sky whale to ride. I always doubted them back in the day, cause I was always a mobility lover. But then, I saw a little sky whale sitting at a shop. He seemed lonely as no one picked him, so of course I adopted him. Had to trade in a cookie for him. And then, I took him out for a walk, then I saw metal birds all up in the air, of the biplane ethnicity. I then commanded him to stay down and smack ground targets, then I noticed, at a pretty young age, his anti-air potential. That's when I had a goal: To make the greatest whale of all time, and ride it.


So I was training my good old Moby all the time, till when I made him poop by accident and I watched a monoplane disintergrate behind him. I then discovered that sky whale poop CAN have the range to beat up people chasing him for blubber. That was in his little IL-8 stage; you can just imagine how cute and curious he was back then. :3


At his adolecence, Moby started to hate other whales. That's when he neglected my usual orders and then punched a younger whale down to the floor. I then found out that Moby had an EXCELLENT talent when it came to beating up his own kind, and then it evolved to effectively beating up anything in front of him. My Moby was starting to no longer be the calf I raised, but a legend.


When he became a beautiful and very graceful sky whale, he had a pretty white color. Then I noticed he could knock out the fastest enemies, sometimes even ALPHA ACES (sometimes) down with his bigger poo. Then I found that his tailgunner was all drunk (no duh, as always), so I took that tailgunner to rehab, and that's where Ivan's famous accuracy came from. Do not tell me how he became sober. Then when Moby had his big teeth, he loved eating up P-51s that are stupid enough to hit ground targets. Then, inspiring from Corsairs in the wild, I taught him how to aim his rockets. Somewhat. And then, he started to FARM metal birds, laughed at everyone on his tail at low alt, always pooped on carriers, making their captains yell at him all the time. And then, he scored his signature triple ace, with a double ground ace, and then he was in the history books, incarnated as Moby: The Whale Whaler. He sits quietly in the hangar nowadays, but I still love him.


And that guys, is how I met Moby, and also the end of my documentary.


Supreme edit to relieve everyone:


How to make the DDS work to your advantage:


We know, the DDS is extremely freaking drunk on vodka and all. However, there's a way for a skilled sky whale to cope with that. Basically, it moves its dorsal fin in a way to move AWAY from the enemy (or yawing). For some odd reason, it seems that the DDS aims where the plane is, not where it WILL be due to weird sky whale anatomy, so if one whale yaws away, it might just lead the DDS teeth stream TO the enemy bird's next location, and so it gets magical results. I've never noticed it since as an Ace Combat addict, I'm very very used to yawturning, but then I stopped yawing back when I still played really, and by god the shots didn't connect that well. Then some adult skorca (I remember his name, but I'm not telling you incompetent fools) tried attacking me, and when Moby yawed, 50-75% of the burst kept connecting and he went down surprisingly fast. The reason why it works when you go in a straight line is because the enemy is ALSO forced to fly in a straight line to damage you, and so there is barely any leading needed, and so the shots connect better.


Sky whale camo: It's as existent as Manbearpig. Really.


Edit: GODDAMMIT WG STOP UPDATING SO FAST
This here is an actual guide, just in documentary format.


Heh - aeromarine biologist

View Posthahiha, on , said:


OMG Heh you have had so many posts O_O

Tufton #2 Posted 24 October 2012 - 05:18 PM

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I was disappointed to see this post didn't include the sky whales illustration...


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Heh #3 Posted 24 October 2012 - 05:23 PM

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View PostTufton, on 24 October 2012 - 05:18 PM, said:

I was disappointed to see this post didn't include the sky whales illustration...

Those are just an artist's representation. If I was to include a pic here, it should be anatomical.
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View Posthahiha, on , said:


OMG Heh you have had so many posts O_O

Haswell #4 Posted 25 October 2012 - 02:33 AM

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I wonder if Nu could come up with a sky whale pic... His art is quite decent. Might want to shoot him a message just for laughs.

Heh, I want this saved for future copypasta.  :Smile_veryhappy:

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Heh #5 Posted 25 October 2012 - 07:09 AM

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View PostHaswell, on 25 October 2012 - 02:33 AM, said:

I wonder if Nu could come up with a sky whale pic... His art is quite decent. Might want to shoot him a message just for laughs.

Heh, I want this saved for future copypasta.  :Smile_veryhappy:

I know he would, as he can draw Celestia shooting laser beams at TIE fighters. :V And my work's already saved, in the name of education. :3
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View Posthahiha, on , said:


OMG Heh you have had so many posts O_O

eral #6 Posted 25 October 2012 - 10:02 PM

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I always feel like sky whales should refer to airships not any sort of airplane no-matter how whaleish... they are more like sky sharks... oh well. Hilarious guide
www.groklaw.net/article.php?story=20120828085512779

Haswell #7 Posted 28 October 2012 - 05:19 PM

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View PostHeh, on 24 October 2012 - 05:07 PM, said:


Swallows are the main enemy of every single sky whale, only being scared off by the great Moby Dick (tamed and trained by yours truly) and outran by royal whales.


An African or a European swallow? Do they also carry coconuts?  :Smile_teethhappy:

Other than that, a free bump for this excellent laugh material.

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MM27 #8 Posted 28 October 2012 - 06:11 PM

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Thanks for the chuckle. Bravo.

Your word count almost reached your post count ;P

Edited by MM27, 28 October 2012 - 06:19 PM.

Thanks Cat0020, for the ultimate sacrifice.


pavemint #9 Posted 28 October 2012 - 06:16 PM

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View PostHeh, on 24 October 2012 - 05:07 PM, said:

my documentary.
Thanks! That brought a chuckle after a long and frustrating week. +1

Deadpool0_0 #10 Posted 28 October 2012 - 07:01 PM

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View PostHeh, on 24 October 2012 - 05:07 PM, said:

my documentary.
nat geo is looking for you


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ZekeTheKamikaze #11 Posted 28 October 2012 - 07:35 PM

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Good god Heh, you are a genius.


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Heh #12 Posted 28 October 2012 - 09:05 PM

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View PostHaswell, on 28 October 2012 - 05:19 PM, said:

An African or a European swallow? Do they also carry coconuts?  :Smile_teethhappy:

Other than that, a free bump for this excellent laugh material.

It's a German swallow, capable of eating sky whales alive, usually starting by the tail as it's the thinnest part of a sky whale's body. They're also called Bird #262.

And no, they do not carry coconuts. They have a special storage gland and fill the gland with a clever mix of saltpeter, carbon and sulfur, which the juices inside the gland solidify to make a rock-hard bullet-shaped shell. The miracle of WoWP anatomy. :V

View Postdark_juggalo, on 28 October 2012 - 07:01 PM, said:

nat geo is looking for you

Natty G wants me, but my documentary is an indie production. No need for some insanely famous documentary channel to help my career, no sir.

Btw Juggy, you should do a report on German skorcas since you love and tend to them so much.
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OMG Heh you have had so many posts O_O

Haswell #13 Posted 10 November 2012 - 07:28 PM

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First recorded sighting of a sky whale in its natural habitat:
shot_003.jpg

:Smile_ohmy:

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Heh #14 Posted 10 November 2012 - 07:33 PM

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View PostHaswell, on 10 November 2012 - 07:28 PM, said:

First recorded sighting of a sky whale in its natural habitat:
Attachmentshot_003.jpg

:Smile_ohmy:

http://affordablehou...oads/crikey.jpg

What a great find! That must be an ancient whale, from the time of the sea whale domination! Those things are very rare now! I should get you on my whale expedition team sooner or later. :V
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OMG Heh you have had so many posts O_O

Selonianth #15 Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:37 AM

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Currently my young sky whale's name is Willie. He is a very free spirit and loves to chew on delicious ground targets and gets extremely offended when swallows attempt to take his well earned ground target dinners away from him.

Crag_r #16 Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:43 AM

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This is my little Corsair, his name is stewie, He enjoys using his speed to beat the GA's to their ground targets and getting all the good ones first  :Smile_trollface:
http://img.auctiva.c...500799817_o.jpg



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Heh #17 Posted 11 November 2012 - 10:34 AM

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View PostSelonianth, on 11 November 2012 - 09:37 AM, said:

Currently my young sky whale's name is Willie. He is a very free spirit and loves to chew on delicious ground targets and gets extremely offended when swallows attempt to take his well earned ground target dinners away from him.

Some swallows fail at their role or suffer from heavy lead poisoning in their fuel. So basically, they see how easy the sky whales eat krill, so they join in too. However, only sky whales have the penetrating power to munch on ground targets with ease, along with skorcas.

View PostCrag_r, on 11 November 2012 - 09:43 AM, said:

This is my little Corsair, his name is stewie, He enjoys using his speed to beat the GA's to their ground targets and getting all the good ones first  :Smile_trollface:
http://img.auctiva.c...500799817_o.jpg

OH NO A METAL SEAGULL D: Still, an intelligent sky whale knows that stalling them long enough will allow their DDS to transform their metal into even more delicious rewards. Plus Moby poops on their larger variant easily.

And again, some metal seagulls suffer from lead poisoning or just fail at their role, so they adapt. While they do manage to eat a wee bit more krill, they still don't eat as fast as a sky whale. Plus that HQ only contains three times the krill anyway, something that you can acquire from hunting even more ground targets. :V
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OMG Heh you have had so many posts O_O

Deadpool0_0 #18 Posted 11 November 2012 - 10:55 AM

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View PostHeh, on 11 November 2012 - 10:34 AM, said:

Some swallows fail at their role or suffer from heavy lead poisoning in their fuel. So basically, they see how easy the sky whales eat krill, so they join in too. However, only sky whales have the penetrating power to munch on ground targets with ease, along with skorcas.



OH NO A METAL SEAGULL D: Still, an intelligent sky whale knows that stalling them long enough will allow their DDS to transform their metal into even more delicious rewards. Plus Moby poops on their larger variant easily.

And again, some metal seagulls suffer from lead poisoning or just fail at their role, so they adapt. While they do manage to eat a wee bit more krill, they still don't eat as fast as a sky whale. Plus that HQ only contains three times the krill anyway, something that you can acquire from hunting even more ground targets. :V
you do realize that some metal seagulls have adapted to eating skywhale instead of krill.


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boxtosser #19 Posted 11 November 2012 - 11:02 AM

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Some breeds of the Chance-Vought species of seagull are particularly well-suited to the skywhale diet.  They can be identified by having four large talons rather than six smaller ones.

Edited by boxtosser, 11 November 2012 - 11:02 AM.



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Deadpool0_0 #20 Posted 11 November 2012 - 11:06 AM

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View Postboxtosser, on 11 November 2012 - 11:02 AM, said:

Some breeds of the Chance-Vought species of seagull are particularly well-suited to the skywhale diet.  They can be identified by having four large talons rather than six smaller ones.
The goodyear species of seagull are most effecent of the hunters of the breed can also be identified by a better observation dome,the same 4 talons and very smooth underbellys.


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